Moving

It's been about a month since I last posted. I had plans to do it before now, but just a couple of weeks after the last one, my whole world got turned upside down. I received a call from a couple of members of the Bishop's Cabinet with their desire for me to consider moving to another church. My district superintendent's opening words in the phone call were, "Jason, this is the call you didn't want to receive." My response was, "You've got to be kidding me." I wasn't ready to move. I saw myself serving here in Victoria for maybe another four years (I've just been here four), or at least a couple more. As I listened to what they said, I had all kinds of reasons going through my head why I wouldn't want to accept this new appointment. But echoing in the background of this whole conversation, I thought I could detect the voice of God. I asked lots of questions, and was assured I had the privilege of declining (which is good - not always the case in these situations). But as Joan and I thought, prayed, sat in stunned silence, and as much as we really grieved doing so, I said yes.

But, if you have to move from a place you don't want to leave, there are a lot worse places to go than Fredericksburg, TX! Many of the folks I've told about our moving have said, "Oh, no," and then when I tell them where I'm going, they invariably say, "Well!"

Now it seems like it's going to happen tomorrow, even though we don't move until June. One reason for that is we're going abroad on the longest vacation we've ever taken (three weeks) and won't return until right before we move. So we have to be packed before we leave on that trip. We are now in the process of trying to prepare, tie up loose ends, pack (ugh!) and do the emotional and relational work of saying goodbye, bringing closure, and grieving with the dear folks here in Victoria. I hope I'll find time to post some more during this process. Meanwhile, the whirlwind continues!

Death and Resurrection

It was a day in February of 1995 when we, along with other folks in San Angelo, TX learned of a young woman soldier abducted from a laundry room on Goodfellow Air Force Base there. There was a vague description of the man who had taken her given by another young soldier who had attempted to intervene, but had been injured in the process. Her parents came from their home out of state, and pleaded on the news for anyone who knew anything of her whereabouts to come forward. We all prayed for her safe return.

Then, about a week later, what everyone feared finally came to light. The authorities had arrested a man who admitted he was the one who had done it, and that she had been brutally raped and murdered. He led them to wear he had left her body. It was an unspeakable tragedy and an inexplicable crime. The man who had perpetrated this atrocity was one who had not only had no criminal record, but was a retired soldier who had an impressive service record, including courage and valor under fire. Everyone in the community was horrified by what he had done.

Then, something even more strange occurred. I discovered that a member of the congregation I served there as pastor at that time had visited this very man in the jail, and through her ministry with him, he had come to know Jesus Christ and had a powerful experience of God's grace and forgiveness. When she shared this with me, I was shocked. I admit I was reluctant to admit that it was possible for a person who had done such a thing to be forgiven by God. But God began to deal with my own heart. I felt like God was giving me a "pop quiz," and the test question was, "Do you really believe this message you preach of grace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ or not? If it doesn't apply to someone like him, what makes you think it applies to someone like you? Aren't you also a sinner, hopelessly unable to save yourself by your own merit?" I was also a bit skeptical about "jailhouse conversion." But I went on to visit this man in the jail, after Vicki (my parishioner who had led him in his conversion) had secured his agreement for me to come.

From the first time I met Louis Jones, it was evident that he in no way attempted to deny or minimize his crime, and demonstrated real remorse for the rest of his life. But it was also evident that he had experienced the transforming power of God's grace and forgiveness, and was living a new life in Jesus Christ. This began a long relationship in which I visited him and formed a relationship with him. My wife and children (who were 10 & 12 at the time) both corresponded with him and spoke to him on the phone when he called (from the jail). I testified at the sentencing hearing in which the federal government was seeking to impose the death penalty (that is a whole other story I'll tell at some other time). After he was sentenced to death, I continued to visit him and correspond with him over a period of eight years.

On March 17-18, 2003 I was at the federal death row facility at the federal prison in Terre Haute, IN where I spent with him some of the last hours of his life, sharing and praying. Then in the wee hours of the morning of his execution, we also celebrated Holy Communion together - that act of worship in which we remember the horrible death of Jesus caused by our sin, experience the real presence of the risen Lord to impart to us his life, and look forward to his coming again and our full experience of that life. It was one of the most powerful experiences of death and resurrection I have ever had. Later, I was a witness to Lou's execution. This was one of the most awful and yet wonderful experiences of my life (and that is a whole other story, also), as he was killed there by our government with the words of the hymn, "Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross," on his lips until they were stilled.

A day or so later, it was my ominous task and honor to preside at his funeral and burial in Chicago. I am writing this from Chicago where I am attending a conference today. Yesterday, the day I arrived, I traveled once again to the cemetery to visit his grave (when I took this photo), as I do each time I am in this city as I have opportunity. I am reminded once again of the stark reality of death, but also the powerful reality of new life in Jesus Christ, and for how both of those were demonstrated in the life of Louis Jones.

Here it is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season. Every year I'm always struck by the strangeness of this Christian observance. On Ash Wednesday Christians of various denominations gather somberly for worship and have ashes rubbed on their foreheads accompanied with words like "Remember! You're dust! And to dust you'll eventually go back!" and "Repent! Turn your life around! And believe the Gospel!"

What a strange thing. In a world where we only want to emphasize the positive, to dwell on things pleasant, put on a happy face, and act like things will always be rosy, we Christians intentionally take a real, sober, hard look at ourselves. We're reminded how fragile, how broken, how flawed we really are. It's like someone takes us by the sides of the head and pushes our faces down so we look squarely into the deep, dark, recesses of our souls to realize how empty they really are, how desperately needy we are.

But we take this stark look at ourselves in God's searching light. Although that light shows up every dark corner, it also is a warming, healing light. That's really what Ash Wednesday and Lent are all about. It's not only about our brokenness and sinfulness and the utter poverty of our souls, but also about the healing, transforming, and restoring riches of God's grace that pours into us. The traditional practices of Lent, spiritual disciplines like prayer, devotion, spiritual reading, worship, and fasting (boy, we really are loath to embrace that one!) aren't ways of punishing or abusing ourselves for our sin, but rather creating opportunity, space, room for God's grace to flow into our lives. When a potter makes a vessel, the space inside is called "the heart." And that "heart" is the empty place in the vessel. The larger the heart - the emptiness inside, the more the vessel can be filled. There's a sense in which what we're doing by spiritual disciplines of self-denial is to create a larger "heart" in our souls, create more emptiness for God's grace to fill. To make room for more of God's presence.

This is my hope for my own spiritual life during Lent. I always seem to need this annual reorientation, this opportunity to create emptiness in my life for God to fill.

Inauguration of a New President

Here it is the first day of a new presidency. I, along with many, many others (a good number of whom were there!) watched yesterday as Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States. More significantly, he became the first African-American person to ascend to that office. (Another historic aspect - he is the first President who is younger than me! - but probably none of the rest of you care about that). I was overcome with emotion at several points during the time I watched. To see the parades, the very squared-away military presence - the ceremony. All that stuff is gratifying to watch - in any inauguration. It's still amazing to think that we experience as routine a smooth, civil, orderly transition of power for the head of the most powerful nation on earth. It seemed even more true today. The Bushes and Obamas not only related to each other politely, cordially, and respectfully; their regard for each other seems to go beyond that. Several commentators commented on it.
I was very moved and impressed by Rick Warren's invocation. I thought it was very well articulated and heartfelt, and captured well the prayer of a people. I found it interesting how he ended his prayer by praying in the name of Jesus, but didn't presume to claim to offer that part of his prayer on behalf of others, but himself. I thought that was appropriate. He didn't have to ignore his own faith position, but neither did he assign or impose it on another. The subtlety of that was lost on some of the commentator/pundits, however. Figures. I was also moved by Rev. Joseph Lowery's benediction. It was equally appropriate and articulated and also offered in the style of his own tradition. President Obama's speech was very good, as I expected it to be.
To see a person of color become the President is nothing short of amazing. I can't even presume to imagine (as a white man) what it's like for an African-American person, particularly one of senior age, to see this take place. That fact was also very moving.
I have great hopes for what President Obama might be able to achieve in leading us, and although I'm sure I will disagree with many of the positions he espouses and the decisions he will make, I pledge to support him with my prayers and with my attitude as best I can.
It would be my hope that the advent of this new administration would bring a new sense of real bipartisanship in our government. I don't expect them all to agree, or to abandon their beliefs; but they should endeavor to work together and not just maneuver politically. We as a nation are facing some daunting tasks.

Law and "Awe"

We live in a world in which it is increasingly clear that both morality and worldview are completely up for grabs. There is little we can assume any more. This can be seen in many of the issues, debates, and discussions of our day. Everything is questioned. There's a sense in which this is good, in that blindness to moral issues such as racism that so characterized the past, in many ways are being uncovered. But there's also a sense in which it's troubling; not because it raises uncomfortable questions, but because it looses us from our moorings, both spiritually and morally.

One of the phenomena I found somewhat amusing recently is the campaign recently to promote Christmas from an atheistic perspective, i.e., "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness sake." The question is then raised, can one be good for goodness sake alone? Is it possible to maintain one's moral center when the spiritual foundation on which that morality is based is jettisoned?

C.S. Lewis, in his book, The Problem of Pain, talks about two components of religion, The first is what he calls the "Numinous," the sense of awe at the spiritual reality that cannot be explained or addressed by examination or science. Another way of putting it might be to speak of that which is transcendent. The other is morality - a sense of ought or should, in terms of our behavior. While these can exist without connecting with each other ("...non-moral religion, and non-religous morality, existed and still exist."), it is a perilous place. We are either subject to "the obscenities and barbarities of the unmoralized worship" or to "the cold, sad, self righteousness of sheer moralism." In our day, however, a growing number of folks are so consumed with "tolerance," anything that smacks of moralism is not tolerated. But I digress. Lewis points out that only in biblical religion, beginning with Judaism and culminating in Christianity (with the additional component of the Incarnation), are these these two strands joined together. To rebel against or discard either of these strands, the Numinous or the moral law, is to put oneself in a precarious place. As he says,

[One] can close his spiritual eyes against the Numinous, if he is prepared to part company with half the great poets and prophets of his race, with his own childhood, with the riches and depth of uninhibited experience. He can regard the moral law as an illusion, and so cut himself off from the common ground of humanity. He can refuse to identify the Numinous with the righteous, and remain a barbarian, worshipping sexuality, or the dead, or the lifeforce, or the future. But the cost is heavy.

I would say that a solid moral center is rooted in a strong faith in the "numinous," or a transcendent God. Unfortunately in our culture, both a moral sense and awe of the divine are considered passe. Those of us who seek to live as disciples of Jesus Christ are increasingly "peculiar" people. But these ancient documents we call the New Testament tell us as much. So we ought not be surprised.

(Note: quotations above are from the Introduction of The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis. My ruminations are but dim shadows of the blazing light of his thought.)

New Year's Resolutions

The beginning of a new year invariably invites people to take stock of their lives and "resolve" to make some changes. It's a good thing to endeavor to make positive changes in our lives and the new year provides a natural opportunity to examine ourselves and seek to make some of those positive changes.

But New Year's Resolutions aren't often very successful in making those real changes. I find myself making resolutions or commitments to some kind of change in behavior in most years. My success has been a bit spotty. Sometimes it really makes a difference, and at other times it doesn't last long. The most common New Year's Resolutions have to do with exercising more, changing eating habits, quitting smoking or drinking, etc. I suspect that a lot of folks don't do too well with those. Others have to do with "spending more time with family" or some other relationship oriented issue. I suspect those don't fare too well, either. Some of them are so general and vague like "enjoy life more" that it would be difficult to measure whether you've accomplished it or not.

I read about an interesting study that gave some tips on being successful in maintaining New Year's Resolutions . It was done in Great Britain (See walesonline.co.uk)and involved about 3,000 test subjects. It found that there is usually only about a 10% success rate on New Year's Resolutions. One in ten. That's not very good. But the study also found some ways that people tend to be more successful - and that the methods for success were somewhat different for men and women. Men triple their success at a resolution if they make a specific goal or target, with small, incremental measurable goals (like losing a pound a week), rather than an undefined, non-specific goal (like losing weight). Women, on the other hand, double their success at a New Year's Resolution if they told somebody - went public - with their commitment. Then they received support from their friends.

This, I think points out two very important principles - even spiritual principles - about life change: Making specific commitments that can be measurable and loving accountability in keeping those commitments. Ingenious qualities that led to the effectiveness of the early Methodist movement were these principles. The early Methodists, once they experienced the pardoning grace of God in Jesus Christ, didn't make some vague commitment to grow in grace. They committed themselves to specific disciplines (prayer, Bible reading, fasting, worship, acts of mercy and service to others), but also they gathered together in groups, shared these commitments with one another and met weekly to pray for each other and hold each other accountable for their growth in grace and specific commitments to spiritual disciplines.

People who seek to exercise regularly are much more successful if they have a partner who's going to be waiting for them at the gym or the health club at the agreed-upon time. We are much more likely to keep our daily quiet time for prayer and study or to do a particular act of service if we know our Christian friends are going to ask us about it at our next meeting.

I hope you will be successful in any life changes you seek to make as you begin the new year. And I would encourage you to focus on changes that are deep and signficant, rather that those that are merely cosmetic and superficial.

An Historic Election

For the last month I have been reflecting on the historic election of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. I'm certainly not the only one who is still marveling and celebrating this. And when I say that, I'm not at all talking about those who are particularly excited because they supported him as president, no matter what the reason. Because whether or not one supported him or voted for him as president, we should all celebrate that a man of his ethnicity and heritage was able to achieve this. As I was watching the election returns on election night, as they declared him the victor, I happened to be watching Fox News Channel (although I had been flipping through several throughout the evening). As the news began to sink in, Juan Williams, a Fox News contributor and NPR commentator, and himself a black man made a response I'll not soon forget. He talked about the historic and amazing nature of this event, and tears welled up in his eyes and his voice quivered a bit as he said something to the effect, "to have a man who is a member of a race that has been so reviled and beaten down in this country to become the elected head of its government is nothing short of astounding."

I was born in 1958, and I have only vague memories of the virulent racism of the 1960's and before. Now that is not to imply that racism has been eradicated - far from it. But even though I have not seen the things those who are 10-20 years older than I have seen, it's still a stunning thing for an African-American to become the president in my lifetime. I didn't think I'd see it, at least not until I was very advanced in age.

This demonstrates and enables us to celebrate how far we have come in this country. We have elected a man who during the lifetime of the generation just before him (and me) could not have even voted for president in many areas of our country, much less been elected. To have an African American first family move into the White House that was built by African slaves is a stark symbol of the good things about our nation - that all men (and women) really are created equal and that the United States of America really is a land of opportunity, democracy and freedom. I'm not suggesting that our country doesn't have deep problems of all kinds, nor am I suggesting that Barack Obama is some sort of Messianic figure (as some seem to think), but neither is he the anti-Christ (as some others seem to think). He is a man, and I believe a good man. It is my prayer that he will be a good leader also.

I will pray for him and his family and for our country during this time of great challenge. And although I am hopeful for his presidency and wish him all success, my deepest hope is not in him or in any man or president; nor is my hope in any economic report or development; my hope is not in the notion that bad times, even terrible times will not come. My hope is in God who sustains me whatever comes. He is the One (not Barack Obama, sorry Oprah!).

God bless Barack Obama and his family. God bless all those who will serve our country in his administration. God bless all those who serve us in government. God bless the United States of America. And God bless all of God's children in the world.